Competition is a funny and amusing thing. By definition, it is:
competition
[kom-pi-tish-uh n] Spell Syllables
Synonyms Word Origin
noun
1.
the act of competing; rivalry for supremacy, a prize, etc.:
The competition between the two teams was bitter.
2.
a contest for some prize, honor, or advantage:
Both girls entered the competition.
3.
the rivalry offered by a competitor:
The small merchant gets powerful competition from the chain stores.
4.
a competitor or competitors:
What is your competition offering?
5.
Sociology. rivalry between two or more persons or groups for an object desired in common, usually resulting in a victor and a loser but not necessarily involving the destruction of the latter.
6.
Ecology. the struggle among organisms, both of the same and of different species, for food, space, and other vital requirements.
Lets look at #1. Rivalry for supremacy. It's great in football, great in any sport really, it is what keeps a fan engaged, sponsors for the successful players and popularity around the world.
#2...well, as it provides an example above, "Both girls entered the competition" for a prize, honour or advantage. I'll come back to this later.
#3 is good for the economy or similar between businesses, and #4 relates to the same. I guess that you could include the marketing around those businesses and trying to be successful in your craft.
#5 would be beyond my realm of understanding since I did not study sociology but I do understand the example above. A simple rivalry that creates a power dynamic but doesn't destroy the person that is not quite as powerful. Perhaps I may come back to this one, as well.
#6 is for the science people. And the bakers. ;)
My point is this in writing this blog. I'm frustrated this morning that there is this silent competition that appears to be ongoing for about the last 18 years with my sister in law and I cannot fathom why it is occurring. Still. What I find appalling is that I think more of our friendship than she does and it has become glaringly obvious that it is not going to change unless I change the dynamic. That would mean great steps of disengaging completely and because of my big heart, compassion and empathy, I am unsure that I can do it. Pretty frustrating to be caught by my own personality and character traits in a catch-22.
It started so long ago and the comments and digs from all of my sisters in law were something I tolerated. However, while I've gotten to know things are different with the other two, this one in particular has switched gears and upped the ante of being her "friend". I am realizing that she is friends with no one. She is far too narcissistic to be friends with anyone and she does not even know this about herself.
I asked her to not go someplace a few months ago (a hotel) until I had taken my husband there. She completely disregarded my request. I had discovered it and wanted to take the old man there. This last weekend, she has gone with her husband and posted a purposeful picture on FB. I did not see it over the weekend but saw it this morning. At first, I was like whatever. Then I was questioning, then I was mad and wanted to "Vaguebook" and then I decided to do this blog. While it is anonymous, at least it lets me rant a little.
She is not taking our friendship seriously. She has requested things of me over the years that I have done for her. She has made fun of me for wearing dresses, scarves, anything and everything....yet now she does them and it's like she invented them. I do my hair a certain way, she does it on hers. I put red accents with brown in my living room. Guess what she does? I buy certain plants and artistically do them...guess what she has to have? She made fun of me for years about kitchen gadgets, and guess what she has now?
I am not competing with her; why is she doing this? WHY? Because she knows that it upsets me? Or maybe she simply does not care. I'm guessing it is both. I simply do not operate by these passive aggressive ways and while I see them, it is baffling to me that she sets about doing this and wasting her energy. I wouldn't tell her the name of the hotel so she searched my FB, compared maps of where I was, and found out the hotel. That is kind of....sick and sad, all at the same time. Wouldn't a normal person simply let it go? Wouldn't a normal person realize that others don't do that? Normal people respect other people's wishes?
I really want to simply walk away from my in-laws now. I want to block them all on FB, I want to not be a part of any of the gatherings based on this one person's actions. I look at that and I think that this is ridiculous. I know one of my other sister-in-laws did not go on a specific outing because of this SIL's attitude.
For the last several years, the competing SIL has developed this attitude of superiority that she is doing to us all. Go on her FB and it's all that it's about.
And as I write this, I am beginning to realize that I should let her just go ahead and do what she feels she must. She is not living her authentic self if she is like this. Her inspirational quotes that she shares with the FB world are false in comparison with her actions. She is a bully and many of us are tired of it. None of us have the strength to deal with it, to be honest. We have other things that are more important. I know that I do.
